Billy:: *It has been two days since you walked out on me. Two days and I've heard nothing. And it was starting to make me crazy. I had left a couple of messages on your mobile, nothing more then a please call me. I had thought about calling Sean or Elijah, but it didn't feel like the right thing to do. Called Margaret and told her everything . She told me to hang in and things would work out. said that I was tempted to come home, and she said she would kick my ass if I did. I've decided to start looking for a flat, since I would be here for awhile. Been trying to read and write but all I can think about is you and how you looked walking out the door.* God Billy, stop dwelling on it.
Dom:: *I know Sean's right. And where I found no pleasure what so ever in walking out on Billy, deep down I hope it served its purpose. To give him a small taste of what he's been doing to be for the past million years. 'Course, now that I'm standing in front of his hotel door, I haven't a clue what to do next... After pacing outside for 20 minutes, I bring my hand up and knock on the door.*
Billy:: *When there is a knock at the door I look up puzzled, trying to remember if I had ordered room service. Flicking the apartment listings down on the coffee table, I move to the door , opening it slightly.*Dom? *the sight of you sends conflicting emotions through me.*What are you doing here?
Dom:: *I scuff my feet on the floor and look down at them.* Came to apologize for being a sodding prick and walking out like that. I thought I was being clever and figured out a way to show you how I've felt, but all it did was back fire, and I'm sorry.
Billy:: *I open the door to let you in* S'okay. *I am not sure what else to say. I sit down on the couch and look up at you.*
Dom:: *I look down at you and stare for a moment before throwing my arms up in the air.* No! It's not ok! A tiny bit of the pain I see when I look in the mirror is in your eyes, so it's not ok.
Billy:: Okay, so it's not okay. But can you honestly tell me that I didn't deserve it? *my words come out sounding defeated and tired. I feel defeated and tired. I just don't want to fight with you anymore.* Can you tell me that you would have done things differently? After all the crap I have put you through.
Dom:: Well... if I weren't on that freakish sugar high, ja.... *I fidget a bit and tug on my ear.* Didn't crash from that one till about 4am this morning...
Billy:: *I laugh but it sounds hollow* So now what? *That seems to be my mantra as of late. I just hate living in this state of limbo, not knowing what is going to happen. Although I know begin to understand how my leaving all the time made you feel.* After everything that has happened, where does that leave us?
Dom:: *I sigh and flop heavily onto the huge armchair provided.* I haven't a bloody clue.... Things are all jumbled now, and where I normally would have just let you back in, I'm honestly scared to even think of it this time....
Billy:: *I look at you intently, my stomach tying itself in knots*Do you want me to leave? *I'm not sure I want to know the answer to that question*Do you just want to throw in the towel and go back to being friends? Because I'm not sure I can do that.
Dom:: *I hang my head and frown.* Neither can I.... I don't want you to leave, but I don't want to go through this again. I won't make it next time...
Billy:: *Moving to the chair, I gently take your chin and pull your head up so I can look in your eyes.*There won't be a next time. I'm never going to leave you again. I can't, I won't *I kneel down and kiss your forehead softly.*I love you and I'm tired of running away from it.
Dom:: *I sigh and close my eyes.* I want to believe you Billy but you have to understand how terrifying this is.... You always say you love me and will never do it again and the times between these incidences grow shorter and short all the time.... And besides, it's much more complicated now...
Billy:: I don't blame you for not believing me, after everything I've done in the past. But I mean it. *I take your hands* And why is it so complicated now?
Dom:: *I take a deep breath, not because I'm ashamed, but mainly nervous on how you'll react.* I'm with Sean and Lijah.... *I don' look at you, I can't bare to.*
Billy:: how do you mean with them?*I whisper and my heart feels heavy. I don't know why I ask the question as I already know the answer.*
Dom:: *I bounce my leg and pick at the chair out of nerves and my voice comes out quietly.* With them like, boyfriend with them....
Billy:: oh*I stand and quickly move to the window so you can't see the tears that have sprung into my eyes. *How long?*It is hard to talk around the lump in my throat. Dammit, I am not going to cry. even if it tears me apart inside.*
Dom:: I don't know.... few weeks... a month. Haven't been keeping track.... I still love you Billy, if I didn't I wouldn't be putting myself through half of what I have...
Billy:: *I lean my forehead onto the window and let the tears come. I'm angry with myself for being stupid. Upset that you have found someone else.* where does this leave me?
Dom:: *I hear you cry and it rips me apart more than I am. I move over to you and wrap my arms around you and whisper against your temple.* Same place I'm still in, lost and confused. I'm sorry...
Billy:: *I turn in your arms so I can rest my head on your shoulder. I pull you closer. I can't stop the tears and the sobs. I really shouldn't be the one crying, but I can't stop.* I can't lose you Dom...I just can't...
Dom:: *I sigh and hold you a little tighter.* I'm sorry Billy, I don't know what to do. I really don't know... I move left I break a heart, I move right I break a heart, and either way I go I still hurt, so it's a no win situation....
Billy:: Do you love them?
Dom:: *I nod softly, pulling away a bit so we can at least look at each other better.*
Billy:: *I wipe my eyes and swallow hard.*Do you love me?
Dom:: *After a deep breath I look down and nod. Figures I'd get myself into this whole mess.*
Billy:: *My mind is racing. I don't know what to think anymore. You and Sean and Lij, together. I'm not really surprised. Now I know why you feel like you are being torn in half. I sigh softly, and kiss you lightly.* You know I love you right? And that I don't want to hurt you anymore. I know what I want, but this isn't about me. It's your decision, and what ever you decide I'll accept*I kiss you again*Follow your heart Dom.
Dom:: Heh, you sound like Sean... that's what he said but it's not that easy. It's one thing to say it and another to do it. I know I have to do what I feel is the right thing, but I won't be happy if one of you aren't.
Billy:: *I'm not sure what to say anymore. It's not fair to you that you have to make this decision.*So tell me Dom, if this was a perfect world, what would you want?
Dom:: *I sigh and look down again, picking at my wrist cuff while I think about that. I'm quiet for a good long time before I realize my answer, saying it softly.* A huge cheesecake with the three of you sharing it with me...
Billy:: *It takes me a second before I get the meaning behind your words, and when I do, I can't keep the look of surprise off my face.*really?* I feel a flash of hope that quickly disappears. it's not likely to happen, considering how Elijah currently feels about me. But for one brief moment, I think it could be possible*
Dom:: Aye, that's what I want. But it's not a perfect world and the only think I'll get out of that dream is the cheesecake. *I wipe at the lone tear still hanging on your cheek and give you a sad smile.*
Billy:: *I smile back* You never know Dom.*I take your hand and squeeze it gently*God I've missed you...
Dom:: *I nod and squeeze your hand back. I know I don't need to tell you how much I've missed you, I've scared you enough with that.* I don't know...... maybe I should go away for a bit... take some time off for myself.... *I sigh knowing that it'll never happen.*
Billy:: Maybe you should. Give yourself sometime to think. *I look down at our hands, then back up at you.*About the other day...do you regret it?
Dom:: *I shake my head* No, I don't regret it. Just wish I didn't feel so bad about it.... s'like by doing that I promised you something I'm not sure I can give you just yet...
Billy:: *I can't help but feel a twinge of something at your reply, but I brush it aside.* Don't feel bad about it, you didn't promise me anything, and I wouldn't hold you to it if you did. let's call it comfort sex, because I think we both needed it.
Dom:: *I slouch a bit more and nod despite myself.* Ok.... *Not exactly what I'd call it, but if it makes you feel better, I'll agree. I start to think maybe I should leave, I seem to be doing nothing but upsetting us both.*
Billy:: *I look at you then out the window. Once again I am at a loss for words, a constant state when I'm around you now. My mind is still spinning wildly, and I don't know what to think anymore.*Do Sean and Elijah know about you wanting to be with all of us?*I don't know where the question comes from and it is out of my mouth before I can really think about it.*
Dom:: No, just realized now that that's what I want.... *I look up at you.* Why?
Billy:: Just wondering...I'm not sure why I asked.*actually I know now why I asked, because somewhere deep in my mind I'm seriously starting to consider the possibility* Are you going to tell them?*an honest question*
Dom:: I'll prolly tell Sean.... Lij would just freak out. He's a lot like you, ya know. Always thinks at any moment I'll leave him.... Is it something I do? Because it seems to follow me around.
Billy:: Its Nothing you do, I think it is a flaw me and Lij have. I've always been running from commitment, I don't know about Elijah. We are just scared of losing you I think. Insecure in the knowledge of your feelings, or something. I don't know. Does he really hate me?
Dom:: I don't think he does.... I think he's still hurt about you backing out when we tried.... *I wave my hands around, not really wanting to get into it.*
Billy:: ahhh, right...*Thinking back on things I realize how much of a mess I've made of things* I guess him not hating me is good.
Dom:: *I move away and sigh, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands.* Can we not talk about this anymore.... I left my cigarettes at home and I'm not allowed to drink and I doubt my nerves will make it out in one piece.
Billy:: Sure, whatever you want*the thought of you leaving grips at my heart, I don't want you to leave just yet, but I won't force you to stay.* I was going to order some room service, want anything?
Dom:: Tea.... *I kick off my shoes and curl up again, looking as if I'm not prepared to leave just yet.* lots of tea and Tylenol....
Billy:: *Turning away from you, I phone room service, ordering a large pot of tea and two pieces of cheesecake, since you mentioned it I've been craving it. I disappear into the bathroom and grab a bottle of painkillers from my bag.*Here you go Dom. *I give you the bottle and join you on the couch*
Dom:: *When you sit, I move so I can lean on you. I look at the bottle.* What are these?
Billy:: super strength Motrin, been getting migraines lately. *I move an arm around your shoulder* they okay?
Dom:: *I nod and put them down, waiting for the tea to take them. I move a hand up and run my fingers through your hair.* Been to a doctor 'bout them yet?
Billy:: *I moan softly when I feel your fingers on my scalp.*No, I probably should though.*This feels so nice, almost normal. I can't quite quiet the voice in the back of my head but I am tired of thinking about it.*
Dom:: Aye, you should. Wouldn't want your brain falling out of your ear, now do would we? *I'm mentally kicking myself for this, believe me I am. I shouldn't be giving in so easily, I should be angry and nasty, but I can't. So instead and lean in more and close my eyes, enjoying the warmth.*
Billy:: *I laugh*Yeah, that could be painful, not to mention messy*When you lean closer, I tighten my grip on you, letting my head fall against yours.*So, what have you been up to, besides smoking and eating too many baked goods?
Dom:: That's it really. Stayed home for the holidays, annoyed Sean for a while. S'bout it. *It's the truth sadly, I don't go out all that much anymore.*
Billy:: Not working?*I feel like I am grasping at straws as far as topics of conversation go.*
Dom:: *I shake my head.* Haven't been in the mood to do any after my last one. Was thinking of taking this horror one they offered, but the location for filming is too close to my parents' home so I turned it down.
Billy:: still not talking to your mom?
Dom:: *I shake my head and burrow more into your side.*
Billy:: *I hold you closer and drop a kiss on your head. I don't say anything,
preferring to just sit with you. after a few minutes there is a knock on the door.*That will be room service*I slowly let you go so I can answer the door.*
Dom:: *I pout a bit at the loss, but I sit up and curl my legs under me again, waiting till you come back.* So How's Maggie?
Billy:: *I take the tray for the waiter, giving him a fairly generous tip. When he leaves, I close the door, and place the tray on the coffee table.*She's good, better now that I'm no longer cramping her style. she's got a new boyfriend, his name's Conner.*I pour two cups of tea, and hand you one before rejoining you on the couch.*she misses you.
Dom:: Yea? What's he like? Do I have to kick his ass? *I take the cup from you and look into it for no reason.* I miss her too... she's a wonderful girl, even I'd date her... *I smirk and sip at my tea, deciding I don't want sugar today.*
Billy:: Yeah. He's really nice, funny, good looking. He's a teacher. He is one of the good guys, you know.*I watch you over the rim of my cup.*Yeah I know you'd date her. Although I am sure she could do better.*I giggle softly.*
Dom:: Oh really? I'll remember that Boyd, just you see. *I chuckle a bit and put my cup down to grab two of the Motrins and popping them.* He sounds all right, guess I won't have to beat him down just yet.
Billy:: I'm sure Maggie will be happy to hear that.*Putting down my cup I pick up a slice of cheesecake.*Cheesecake?*I smile at you*
Dom:: Nugh... *I reach for it without thinking twice.* You guys don't realize it but I'll be as fat as a hobbit if the lot of you keep feeding my new obsession. My words don't stop me from taking a bite, eyes rolling back and making nummy sounds.*
Billy:: You say that like it's a bad thing.*I nudge you with my toe. I take the other slice and dig into it.*Mmmmm, this is good.
Dom:: Ja. *I keep eating.* And it is a bad thing, I'll have rolls and pudge all over, with 4 chins and a gut.
Billy:: I'd still love you. *I lean over and kiss your cheek.*
Dom:: *I get a mental image of my self like that and make a face.* Ew, I wouldn't even love my fat ass. *I have to laugh.*
Billy:: *I laugh with you. Like old times, like nothing ever happened. I keep eating my cake, content that I don't have to say anything.*
Dom:: *I look at the time and frown for a split second. I really should be going but I decide not to move. I polish off my cheesecake and finish my tea, leaning back and rubbing my tummy.* Now that was some good cheesecake.
Billy:: Yes it was. I'm impressed, I knew there was a reason I stayed here.*I place my plate on the coffee table, and turn to smile at you*
Dom:: Well, that and the huge beds. That's always a plus in my book. * sigh, my tummy content and lean my head back, close my eyes.* And it's quiet....
Billy:: aye, it is that *my eyes travel over your body, lingering on your exposed neck. all that I can see was once mine and god help me I'll do whatever it takes to get you back, even if it means I have to share you, because just a part of you is better then nothing. But I know that you have more then enough love for all of us.*
Dom:: I think I want a nap.... *You're stalling time Monaghan.... I turn my head towards you, quietly asking.* Can we take a nap?
Billy:: *I look at you and smile softly* If you want, just promise you won't leave like last time.*I stand up taking your hand and pulling you towards the bed.*
Dom:: *I let you pull me along, a pout on my lips.* But I do have to leave....
Billy:: I know*I respond softly* Dom...I...*I pause, waiting for the tears that are welling up to go away*
Dom:: *I sigh and move closer, cupping your face and pressing my forehead to yours.* Billy please, don't...
Billy:: *I swallow hard and take a deep breath. Wrapping my arms around your waist I pull you close.*I'm okay, really, just a bit emotional.
Dom:: *I don't know what to say to that, nothing that comes to mind will make it hurt less. I kiss your nose.* C'mon let's sleep through all this bullocks.
Billy:: *I smile weakly*Now how could anyone refuse an offer like that?*I lay down on the bed, pulling you after me. I pull you close and kiss you softly.*
Dom:: *Caressing your cheek, I kiss you back, hating myself more and more for doing this to you. Doing this to all three of you. I sigh and pull away, keeping close and wrapping my arm around you.*
Billy:: You okay Dom?*I curl up into your embrace, not ready to fall asleep just yet. I need to remember the feeling of this*
Dom:: *I shake my head but keep quiet. I don't want to talk about it, just want it to go away. I nuzzle my nose under your chin and hide my face in you neck, closing my eyes.*
Billy:: *I feel you shake your head, but I don't say anything. I kiss your forehead gently.*Sleep Dommie*I caress your back, enjoying the feel of you under my hand*I love you*I whisper, not expecting to hear anything back.*
Dom:: *I close my eyes tighter, burrowing closer to you.* Mmmhmmm
Billy:: *I sigh softly, feeling myself relax. I try not to think about what is going to happen, I just want to experience having you with me again for however long I can have you*
Dom:: *I don't really sleep, I just stay curled up with my eyes closed, just enjoying the warmth. I miss this, but I won't let myself admit it.*
Billy:: *I hold you, absently moving my hands over your back, I doze a little mostly because I don't want to forget this feeling. It's too important to me to lose. I think it's good, you want to be with me, makes me think I haven't lost you after all.*
Dom:: *We stay like that for an hour or so, and I groan a bit, knowing I have to go. I don't want to worry anyone. I tilt my head back and kiss your chin.* Billy....
Billy:: yeah...*I know its coming I can feel it. You need to go home to the others.*
Dom:: Can I come back tomorrow? *I look at you a bit hopeful, but with a pout.*
Billy:: Of course you can. You can help me find a flat.*I kiss you* You better go before I decide I want to keep you here.*I smile brightly but a bit sadly*
Dom:: *I nod and give you another kiss, slipping out of your arms and looking about for anything I may have left that I'll need today.*
Billy:: *I get up, and walk with you to the door.*Tell Sean I said hi*I pull you into another hug, still reluctant to see you walk out the door.*
Dom:: I will.... *I hug you tight and kiss your cheek.* Give us a smile to take with me. I may need an extra one handy incase I can't one of my own when Sean asks how I am.
Billy:: *I smile at you*Now go and I'll see you tomorrow.